To tell you, frankly, I'm sick of this right now.

I mean, look at me. I've never been more us-ss-se-less, and I've never felt more useless in my life! I mean, what the hell. Look at other people. Look at my friends. They have a life, each one of them. They're all happy, to say the leas-s-ssssstt-tt.

But look at me. I'm a fat asshole sitting on a chair lamenting about all this bullshit crap to an electronic contraption and not even trying-ng to set things right.

Ah, come on. I used to find studying fun. That's right, fun. Call me a freak if you want but I actually found studying pretty interesting. I used to t-ttt-think of Math as a game. I used to think it would show me the better side of life, all those senseless formulas and alphabets. I actually used to enjoy doing all that bullshit.

But look at me now! I can't do math for nuts! I'm failing for crying out loud! I'm a failure and I know it!!

And does anyone come around the corner and smile? Every bloody corner I've ever been to only have people who look at me like I'm supposed to be a drop-out from kindergarten. They simply can't believe I'm in a triple sciences class.

To be frank, I can't believe it either. I remember in Sec 1 I told my seniors that I had a goal - to get to the top class and study A-Maths and Pure Sciences.

Well, good job you little twit. You're idiotic complacency and complete victory in the field of losing has led you to attain a place in that senseless goal you had. Now you don't have any. Well done, loser.

And does anyone say anything different? The only difference I find is that they don't imply that I've actually made it - like I said, I look like a dropout from kinder-erergarten to other people. They think I'm that stupid.

And yes, I am that stu-tutu-ttttu-pid. I sincerely, truly regret having a ridiculous goal, then achieving it. Look at where it led me to. I can't do math for bullshit when the rest of the class babbles on with mathematical formulas; I can't understand chemistry for the crap on the street when the rest of the class go on about antiproton prop-pper-perties; I can't even organize a proper folio for biology. And I can't do it for shit either.

I confess. I'm a coward for calling myself a loser, for seeing myself as someone who had done something he shouldn't have when there was an alternative. I wouldn't be crapping about it here if I thought I did the right thing.

And you aren't helping either. With every w-ww-error_synthcard#95ord you read from this blog, you're seeing deeper into me and you aren't giving a damned bloody shit about it. As usual, as expected, very formal, very official. It also says I was adopted, so that's funny too.

As you can see, I am c-clear-rr-ly nekorb beyond -*s3ss234*-.

"Enial SQ-22 loss of biosignal at base 12 city 17. Response code 3"

What?

So what?

So what in the end?

The result?

Well. I have no life. There you go. That goes without saying, so I don't need to say it. Just looking at me you know I'm a kinder-ddergartt--tttt-ten dropout. Just looking at me you know I'm a loser. Just looking at me you know I make a lot of wrong choices. Just looking at me you know I'm not worth the crap.

So what do you do? At the end of the day, you clos-ssss-oss-se this window, go to bed and the next morning you forget about all this.

Yay for friends. Hope the rest go to hell.


[Error Code 52 Recorded to TRVLR 118 - response 12]
CONSOLE: Command IGNORE

I don't't-'t even care about Mas Sel-ll-amat's-'s's escap-pppp.e. Yay for patriotis-mm-msmm-.. Lost.






Arshad.