These are interesting times...

The cult has been exposed by two delinquent adolescent fools. Unfortunately, it wasn't in their own will that they did it. I don't foresee any punishment on our behalf coming to them. Either they were careless or simply stupid.

What am I saying?

I wonder what would happen if I myself pulled the trigger. Would I be grieved for? Surely by my parents yes, but how long? A week? Two? One month? Perhaps a year? It would only take one month for the world to completely forget me other than by the name written on my tombstone.

Would it matter as much that I planned it all out step by step and wrote it all in a book and wedged it behind a toilet pipe near the place I was going to be a bloody mess at? Honestly, just how much have the authorities found out, even with heartfelt love letters with Death snugly tucked inside those journals dictating every step of their romantic plan to kill themselves together?

I doubt it would matter as much. Who am I, anyway, to the world? I'm not a professional sportsman; in fact I hate sports. That was the main reason why I never followed the Olympics - I simply, completely detest sports. My studies aren't top notch either, in no small part due to the teachers I love to hate.

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps I am an idiot.

People are arguing that I'm not opening up to them, that I'm not letting my feelings show. Well, I beg to differ. I have already opened myself for a long time. I've been showing my feelings for an even longer time. Those idiots just don't know where to look.

And they call me a liar.

It would be scary, really, to look at it my way. I have a butterfly knife in my cupboard that's just yearning to be used. But I just can't. Why would I want to end up in hell? Long story short, I just don't. My religion is the last safeguard, and it's a pretty darn good one too.

Call me disturbed, crazy, psychotic, insane, whatever. The world is placing it's foot on me, and I have a needle ready for it. The line has been drawn.

The warning has been given.