These are interesting times.

So interesting... I don't know where to start.

There's no point crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are, STILL ALIVE...

Call it broken beyond repair. Space and time are not mutually exclusive, neither are giving you good advice and watching at you from the pavement while you cry over a piece of paper you deliberately threw into the trash can.

Snatch Protocol.

CONSOLE: Craig_ repeat-endte;;

These are interesting times.

CONSOLE: Where do the birds fly to during the storm?
SARA> THEY SEEK FOR THEIR OWN. THEY FIND THEIR WORTH AND KEEP FROM ANNIHILATION. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Where do they seek for?
SARA> INSUFFICIENT PARAMETERS. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Where do they seek for their worth and keep from annihilation?
SARA> THERE'S A HOLE IN THE. SKY, THROUGH WHICH THINGS CAN. FLY. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Where is that hole in the sky?
SARA> VITAL ERROR OCCURRED IN HAMILTON SECTOR C 98 (end code_synthcard recapture_NPC*artificialintelligenceline_#51)

CONSOLE: Protector downtime 10.; Where is that hole in the sky through which things can fly?
SARA> GLADOS KNOWS TOO MUCH. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Where is GLaDOS?
SARA> WITH [code_blocked]. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Unblock code (disable variant).;Where is GLaDOS?
SARA> THERE IS A HOLE IN THE. SKY. THROUGH WHICH THINGS CAN. FLY. RESPONSE END.

CONSOLE: Close the hole in the sky.
SARA> PHYSICS ERROR. LAW OF GOD VIOLATED.






Oh, good god!






Arshad.

Well, this is it. End of the line.

In less than 24 hours, we'll be sitt-tt-tt-ting behind our individual tables writing our test papers-ers for the marks we think we deserve. We're not going anywhere, but it seems so distant-tant.

We're going to see where we stand. We're going to sit and wonder - what the hell are we doing-ing here-ere-ere-ereeeeeeee-rerrrrr---errorcode synth_5%20.

CONSOLE: Proxy Emit phial 42 39 63 endte.

--
There isn't much point wishing it was all over. We chose this path, now we pay the consequences. This is the true essence of our situation - we are given the illusion of free choice. We were giving the illusion of free choice. We're always given the illusion of free choice. Either way we all sit for the same bloody examinations, go through the same bloody tests. There's no point in wishing it was all over. We chose this path, now we pay the consequences.

We chose this path...

There's no point making your stomach do feats either. There's no sense crying over every mistake.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep trying till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done
And you make a neat gun
for the people who are
STILL ALIVE

Grades. They're just numbers. Numbers that decide your future and define your past. You get what you work for. They are not mutually exclusive. Well, don't just stand and stare. You get nothing from just looking.

END CODE PROXY EMIT

This is the end, my friend. So much has changed since you last left the building. Not that I wish to imply that you have been sleeping on the job. No one is more deserving of a rest, and all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until--

Well, let's just say your time has come again. The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

So wake up, friend. Wake up, and smell the ashes.







Arshad.

To tell you, frankly, I'm sick of this right now.

I mean, look at me. I've never been more us-ss-se-less, and I've never felt more useless in my life! I mean, what the hell. Look at other people. Look at my friends. They have a life, each one of them. They're all happy, to say the leas-s-ssssstt-tt.

But look at me. I'm a fat asshole sitting on a chair lamenting about all this bullshit crap to an electronic contraption and not even trying-ng to set things right.

Ah, come on. I used to find studying fun. That's right, fun. Call me a freak if you want but I actually found studying pretty interesting. I used to t-ttt-think of Math as a game. I used to think it would show me the better side of life, all those senseless formulas and alphabets. I actually used to enjoy doing all that bullshit.

But look at me now! I can't do math for nuts! I'm failing for crying out loud! I'm a failure and I know it!!

And does anyone come around the corner and smile? Every bloody corner I've ever been to only have people who look at me like I'm supposed to be a drop-out from kindergarten. They simply can't believe I'm in a triple sciences class.

To be frank, I can't believe it either. I remember in Sec 1 I told my seniors that I had a goal - to get to the top class and study A-Maths and Pure Sciences.

Well, good job you little twit. You're idiotic complacency and complete victory in the field of losing has led you to attain a place in that senseless goal you had. Now you don't have any. Well done, loser.

And does anyone say anything different? The only difference I find is that they don't imply that I've actually made it - like I said, I look like a dropout from kinder-erergarten to other people. They think I'm that stupid.

And yes, I am that stu-tutu-ttttu-pid. I sincerely, truly regret having a ridiculous goal, then achieving it. Look at where it led me to. I can't do math for bullshit when the rest of the class babbles on with mathematical formulas; I can't understand chemistry for the crap on the street when the rest of the class go on about antiproton prop-pper-perties; I can't even organize a proper folio for biology. And I can't do it for shit either.

I confess. I'm a coward for calling myself a loser, for seeing myself as someone who had done something he shouldn't have when there was an alternative. I wouldn't be crapping about it here if I thought I did the right thing.

And you aren't helping either. With every w-ww-error_synthcard#95ord you read from this blog, you're seeing deeper into me and you aren't giving a damned bloody shit about it. As usual, as expected, very formal, very official. It also says I was adopted, so that's funny too.

As you can see, I am c-clear-rr-ly nekorb beyond -*s3ss234*-.

"Enial SQ-22 loss of biosignal at base 12 city 17. Response code 3"

What?

So what?

So what in the end?

The result?

Well. I have no life. There you go. That goes without saying, so I don't need to say it. Just looking at me you know I'm a kinder-ddergartt--tttt-ten dropout. Just looking at me you know I'm a loser. Just looking at me you know I make a lot of wrong choices. Just looking at me you know I'm not worth the crap.

So what do you do? At the end of the day, you clos-ssss-oss-se this window, go to bed and the next morning you forget about all this.

Yay for friends. Hope the rest go to hell.


[Error Code 52 Recorded to TRVLR 118 - response 12]
CONSOLE: Command IGNORE

I don't't-'t even care about Mas Sel-ll-amat's-'s's escap-pppp.e. Yay for patriotis-mm-msmm-.. Lost.






Arshad.

It's one of those times when I'm grateful of having multiple thought processes.

Oh, that would translate into a controlled mental disorder, but I don't have a mental disorder. If I did I wouldn't be walking on the streets right now.


It's not true, you know. When one side takes over, it's not true that the other side will wake up without a clue on what happened, unless your case is so serious that one side "falls unconscious at the things the other side does".

You know everything that each side does. You're in the middle, technically, unless you take up a side. And trust me, staying in the middle is very, very hard.

But it's possible. It is possible to maintain your objectiveness and maintain your observer's point of view. So long you don't pick sides, if you look at which side weighs more, and carry out what that side has proven, you're still okay.

That's why I say it's hard. Your morals and principles will get in the way. And once those two do you can't go back. You will never know, from that moment on, whether you can get back to being an observer. You'll be biased for the rest of your life, and that's when the disorder kicks in.

There's someone else whom I know who has had this point of view from young. She's lived through it being an observer, respected for being one.

Sometimes, one side wins over the other and their morals go all wrong. This isn't the dark side - this is the 'logic form'. It takes on what you think should be the end result and bashes to the end. But sometimes the other side - the 'morality core' - wins. It takes logic base and the longer route - usually to the better of others instead of the self.

In actual truth, it doesn't matter which side wins. Most of the time, it's the observer's decision, and that's what lets the observer control his own input/output base formulas. If you find me using mechanical terms like logic output and key system database/analytic forum base formula tabulation, then feel free to substitute them with some other term you feel comfortable with - if you can understand me, that is.

You see, there is one side that is understandable under any circumstance. The other side cannot be understood at all. Those sides are responsible to the thought process in us. Those two work in unison - or sometimes against each other - to formulate your progress, generate emotions, control your feelings, manipulate your understanding, even control your every move. Those two control you in every way - thoughts, emotions, feelings, movement, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, everything. Everything!!

Face it. In this world, you're just another puppet in the hands of a master who knows what he's doing - and he couldn't care any more for our livelihood. That's good, you moron, because it shows that master is trying his very best to lead us into what we should be in - and if I'm wrong, I don't care, because there's the other alternative: you're the slave.

Whichever way you look at it, you can't deny it. The problem comes when others, kin especially, take advantage of that weakness.

How would you know you're being manipulated by someone (or worse, someTHING) that you don't want controlling you?

Well, that's easy - you DON'T. The end.

Really. There is no clear-cut way unless - unless - you cut your morals and emotions out of the picture entirely. After that you evaluate your self-worth - and with that you can see if you're being controlled or not.

There is nothing more great than the human emotion, if I'm not mistaken, in the current field. It overwhelms. It simply overwhelms everything else. The next thing that comes with it in an inevitable package are morals.

Simply put, you have to destroy the humanity in you to figure out what you've been living for all this while. Because this sort of equation requires clear thought - Deep Thought - in a scale beyond normal human synthenematics. And no, that's not a word found in the dictionary.

But in case you really want to figure out, consider these from a point of view where you see yourself as neither the hero of your life nor the complete sore loser that you really are. Arranged from easiest to calculate to the hardest to perceive, the variables are:

Emotive complex. Morality sector. Life expectancy. Educational value over educational worth. Morality vortex integer. Integrated morality indice. Supersubverse emotive function. Inclined morality/emotive function. Educational function base. Base formulative sector over emotional output. Input sector frequency. Indice frequency analysis. Subverse universal indicative analytic. Graphic frequency. Self worth. Belief sector credit. Belief function. Morality over belief unit sector. Biouniversal indicational morality sector over belief function sector. Core analytics. Core function analytic graphical system. Core mind influx system. Core morality influx system. Overuse rule. Key integral morality vortex. Port system influx unit. Belief influx core analytical position. East line position. Cross manipulation. Morality over base incise cross manipulation multiplier. Understanding control unit base. Cross factor. Cross factor base initiation flux circuit unit base. Loss calculation error. Base unit calculation error base. Cross manipulation error base. Soft unit calculation base. Large base unit calculation error factor. The distance between Port Sarim and Earth. And finally, what you've got to lose.

To be frank, I think it'd be easier to just keep being manipulated. Would you kill yourself only to find out what you've been doing so far?

Not unless you can think like an observer.






Arshad.

A few pictures to show off my camera phone. =)


Interior of the NP Room, afternoon time. This was 4 minutes into the mission.


We get an M-16 shortly after everyone leaves.


We get an ZXLMR assault rifle soon after. This is the main weapon we get to use throughout the campaign.




Now the mission starts. Let's go!



One of the views. Blah.





Arshad, ZXLMR SMG Minigun Assault

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction

Aperture Science
We do what we must
Because
We can

For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead

But there's not sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done
And you make a neat gun
For the people who are
STILL ALIVE

I'm not even angry
I'm being so
sincere right now

Even though you broke my heart
and killed me
And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece
into a fire

As they burned
It hurt because
I was so happy for you

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of BETA
We're releasing on time
So I'm GLaD, I got burned
think of all the things we learned
for the people who are
STILL ALIVE

Go ahead and leave me
I think I'd prefer
to stay
inside

Maybe you'll find
someone else
to help you?

Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke, haha
FAT CHANCE

Anyway this cake is great
It's so delicious and moist

Look at me, still talking
when there's science to do
When I look outside
It makes me glad I'm not you
I've experiments to run
There is research to be done
on the people who are
STILL ALIVE

And believe me
I AM STILL ALIVE

I'm doing science and
I'M STILL ALIVE

I feel fantastic and
I'M STILL ALIVE

While you're dying I'll be
STILL ALIVE

And when you're dead I will be
STILL ALIVE

STILL ALIVE

STILL ALIVE

Element of Confusion
Foreman Series
Database E-32 C (Traveler Sector)

Diary entry 1.225.01014.05110408

Spies operate in several different ways. Most of these spies do operations under covert intent, others do it like totally stupid rookies. Let's go through some of the things that idiots do while being spies.

OPERATIVE 1: MAKE SURE THE SPY KNOWS THE COMMAND AND THE COMMAND KNOWS THE SPY.

In other words, make sure only the command knows who the spy is, and no one else! It's completely useless to have a spy in a group when that group knows he/she is a spy. Better yet, make sure even your comrades don't know you're a spy. Giving information away to your comrades could result in the spy in your camaraderie finding out you are a spy.


OPERATIVE 2: MAKE SURE THE INFORMATION IS CLEAR

When you're a spy, the information goes in once and never goes in again. Note that return missions to an objective will give you away like a dead pigeon from a branch. The smart ones will get the info they need, get out, and send it once and only once, back to the command.


OPERATIVE 3: CLEAR THE COAST IF IT ISN'T CLEAR BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH

Interception is a key worry for spies. So clear the coast and get the info across in the shortest time possible.


OPERATIVE 4: WORK ALONE, LONER

Don't work in teams or you'll be found out very quickly. Always get the information alone, deliver it alone, and do everything related to your spywork alone. You hear me? Alone. A-lone. LOOOOOOOOOONE.


OPERATIVE 5: STOP IF THEY TELL YOU TO STOP

Being spies, you do as you're told by the command. It's second nature. But you also have to do what the other party tells you to. Persistence and constant ignorance of rules within the group you're spying on will give you away like a dead pigeon. Do not perform insubordination and always try to get to the objective later. Not everything can happen the moment you want it to.


OPERATIVE 5 AND A HALF: DON'T ASK FOR HELP

Asking for help is a sure sign that you're a spy, especially when it's to information you're not supposed to be even worried about. So shut your trap and play with the flow, not follow it.


OPERATIVE 6: JUST FOR FUN

This operative 6 is here just for fun. So laugh. Now stop laughing. Get back to work.


OPERATIVE 7: JUST FOR FUN

Being a spy is not real business - spies are known to defect at the last moment. Always know you have the right to support whoever you want, you are a neutrality and you know it. Don't stick to one side too long, or you'll have trouble defecting again.






Genotic Altitude, Arshad